Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and so begins the Lenten Season. Lent is the season that leads us into Easter. For more Traditional faith pursuers, Lent is a season of penitence, self-denial, and preparation for the Easter event. Historically, this was the period of intense focus for initiates into the Christian faith. For non-Traditional pursuers, this is a time when we "give something up".
This year, I am in a place I have not been before. I am facing a period of health issues that have not ever been a problem before. Specifically, I am facing my second surgery in 6 months. All signs point to the need that I have back surgery and soon.
I am not afraid of the surgery. That may be because I am too stupid to be afraid. There are complications pre-/mid-/post-surgery that could impact my life. That is not far from my thinking. But of these things, I fear not.
What I am afraid of is the dependence that this surgery will require.
I view myself as a "do-it-myself" type. I don't like asking people to do what I can do myself. If something needs to happen to a certain level of quality, I prefer to do it myself. Rather than asking for a helping hand, I prefer to get it done.
This surgery will require me to let others do for me what I can't do for myself. My mobility will be slowed. I will not be able to do the jobs around the house that are mine to do. I will have to rely on someone else to prepare supper, fix my coffee, and do the little things that I do because normally I can.
Worse still, I will have to step out of active leadership of my churches for a few weeks. I have stepped out of active leadership for one week, or maybe a little more, because of vacations. It is possible that I will lose up to a month of active capacity. And that bothers me.
It isn't that my folks aren't capable. Turpin has a great team of leaders and a strong core of passionate and capable people who have always shown themselves willing and able to step up and do what needs to be done. Baker is a tight knit community church that already works together to keep the church operating in the face of difficulties. It isn't that I am afraid the churches will fail because I am not there.
I don't like the feeling of not doing what I do, what I'm called to do. I have always understood the calling that God placed upon my life as leading the church into maturity and personal growth. I want to equip people to continue to develop a deeper and more meaningful life with God. I see my gifts and tempers being suited to being a mentor to assist people in discovering how good and strong and powerful they can be in relationship with God.
My sacrifice this Lenten season is letting my people fill in where I will not be able to.
It doesn't sound like much. But it will challenge me. It will push me to do what I can in the absence of being there for them as leader, pastor, and mentor. It will push me to pray more deeply about their growth. It will push me to pray more deeply for my own humility (because I am weak and think they need me to be there).
I know this sounds horribly fatalistic. It will only be one month. It will only be a few weeks. But it will be a few weeks of knowing that I am not doing what I am called and appointed to do. It will be like letting my child leave and make his way in the world. Which is also happening, but that is a whole different set of emotions.
This isn't a test; it is a season. This isn't about God putting me in a "wilderness" or giving me a "thorn in my flesh". This is about the natural ebbs and flows of guiding people in a church. I have to learn to rest in their ability, strengths, and gifts. I have to believe in them and in the God who is within them. I have to put faith in the vision we share for the churches and the communities.
So, in this Lenten season, may God show me the grace that I need to step back, allow God's people to be the ministers I know that they can be. They will be able to do this. I just pray that I can.