Recently I have been pursuing the idea of journaling. I want take this up a more of a holistic, and hopefully more objective, gauge of where I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The problem of beginning this pursuit, other than my chronic laziness and pathological fear of beginning something new, has been the recurring theme of goal setting. This has caused me some measure of pain.
I understand setting goals as a necessary step in making progress in achieving something. In my head I see why this is necessary. In my heart I feel that this is a critical part of my trying to develop personally and professionally. I just cannot get passed the wall that I see nothing as a goal in my life.
I asked colleagues and friends about their professional and personal goals. They were helpful in making me feel inadequate. Or maybe incomplete in my desire for what I want to achieve. The intangible goals of life are easy for me. I see the back and forth of failure and success. I don't consider the pursuit of perfection in my relationship with God in love or the development as a husband or father as goals. I see those as organic, living relationships. Of course, accepting the failures I have been in all three of those areas means that any progress is just that.
I need something concrete to pursue. But there is nothing at all that really matters enough. I could set a goal of writing the book I have been working on for years. Why? It serves no practical purpose. I don't see a need to do something that is not practical. If I want to spend my time accomplishing something of no significance, I will continue to play my video games. I could set a professional goal, but no matter what type of goal I set in my profession, it will always be contingent to the itinerant system. It will always be overshadowed by the whims of the congregation that place demands upon my time and resources.
I have no goals that I can see myself pursuing. Every time I try to begin the process of starting the journaling process, the first step is the need to establish a goal for the day, the week, the month, or longer term. I just don't have anything that screams this is something that I can do. I feel that I am bascially stuck in the routine of daily patterns, weekly demands, monthly trailmarkers. That isn't enough for me. That isn't the kind of life I can lead.
But I see no other vista upon which to set my eyes.
I understand setting goals as a necessary step in making progress in achieving something. In my head I see why this is necessary. In my heart I feel that this is a critical part of my trying to develop personally and professionally. I just cannot get passed the wall that I see nothing as a goal in my life.
I asked colleagues and friends about their professional and personal goals. They were helpful in making me feel inadequate. Or maybe incomplete in my desire for what I want to achieve. The intangible goals of life are easy for me. I see the back and forth of failure and success. I don't consider the pursuit of perfection in my relationship with God in love or the development as a husband or father as goals. I see those as organic, living relationships. Of course, accepting the failures I have been in all three of those areas means that any progress is just that.
I need something concrete to pursue. But there is nothing at all that really matters enough. I could set a goal of writing the book I have been working on for years. Why? It serves no practical purpose. I don't see a need to do something that is not practical. If I want to spend my time accomplishing something of no significance, I will continue to play my video games. I could set a professional goal, but no matter what type of goal I set in my profession, it will always be contingent to the itinerant system. It will always be overshadowed by the whims of the congregation that place demands upon my time and resources.
I have no goals that I can see myself pursuing. Every time I try to begin the process of starting the journaling process, the first step is the need to establish a goal for the day, the week, the month, or longer term. I just don't have anything that screams this is something that I can do. I feel that I am bascially stuck in the routine of daily patterns, weekly demands, monthly trailmarkers. That isn't enough for me. That isn't the kind of life I can lead.
But I see no other vista upon which to set my eyes.
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