Beginning of the beginning

I don't know how most people feel about the transformation I am going through. I have a few who have let me know. Many, many more of the people in my sphere of influence are silent. Some who are silent have gone silent in the weeks since I have gone public with my gender identity. I feel that I have lost friends and maybe some family to this transformation. And perhaps this next revelation will cause me to lose more, but I want to share the next phase of my journey.

I began taking hormone replacement therapy. This is a medically observed course of increasing daily hormone treatments. I felt that it was necessary to begin on this therapy due to my desire to begin living as Genevieve full time. The treatments will cause my body, internally and externally, to change. It will also play a role in my thoughts and feelings being transformed. Here are some facts of what I will experience to varying degrees as I progress:

• 1) Physical - skin will become a bit drier and thinner,  pores will become smaller less oil production. You may become more prone to bruising or cuts and notice that you experience pain or temperature differently, or that things just “feel different” when you touch them. You will also notice small “buds” developing beneath your nipples within a few weeks of starting your treatment. Weight will begin to redistribute around your body. Fat will begin to collect around your hips and thighs, and the fat under your skin throughout your body will become a bit thicker, giving your arms and legs less muscle definition and a smoother appearance. The fat under the skin in your face will increase and shift around to give your eyes and face, in general, a more feminine appearance. Your muscle mass will decrease significantly. The hair on your body, such as your chest, back and arms will decrease in thickness and will grow at a slower rate. Your beard may thin a bit and grow a bit slower. If you have had any scalp balding, this should slow or stop, though the amount that will grow back is variable. Some people may notice minor changes in shoe size or height due to changes in the ligaments and muscles of your feet. 
• 2) Emotional - Your overall emotional state may or may not change; this varies from person to person. You may find that you have access to a wider range of emotions or feelings, or have different interests, tastes or pastimes, or behave differently in relationship with other people.  
• 3) Sexual - how about we leave this private, eh?

This is a really broad overview of what I will possibly experience over the next 3-5 years. I don't expect anything overnight. I know this will begin to take effect in days since the beginning, but some things won't be visible for a few weeks, yet.

Why?
This is the question many will want an answer for. Honestly, I am doing this for a few reasons.

1. To bring my body more in line with the vision of my self-identity. I see myself, but not like others see me. In taking hormones, I hope to bring those two, physical and psychological, forms into closer alignment.
2. To bring my emotions into a better place of access. I have reached a point in my life where I want to feel more emotions than I have over the course of my life. Counseling has allowed me to identify my emotions, but it hasn't broadened my experience of emotions. Coming out has allowed me some freedom of emotions, but it hasn't brought me much depth in that freedom. I am hoping that hormones will allow me the variety, breadth, and depth of emotions that I can freely express.
3. There is some anecdotal evidence that hormone treatment can bring cognitive abilities more to the surface. It has been reported to take away a "cloud" that interfered with decision-making, thought processing, and creativity. I would really like to clear the cloud that I have been feeling for over a decade. My thought-processes and creativity have been stifled for some time now. I would like to free those things up for more productivity and imagination to bring things to life.
4. Peace of mind. I am female on the inside. Whether people understand that or not, I feel that. By bringing hormones into my body, I feel that my mind (which has been searching for female hormone chemical transmitters and receptors) will finally be able to sync up with my body. Having female hormones will allow my self to make all of the connections that will allow me to function to my best.

Are there side effects or negative possibilities?
Yes, there are side effects and potential negative possibilities. But that is the case with any medical procedure or treatment. The reality is by NOT pursuing this, I don't think or feel that I will be as fully healthy as I could be. In order to be my BEST person, I need to try this.

There are some irreversible changes that will be made. I have accepted those and entered into this process with a clear mind. There are some changes that could be reversed if I choose to stop. I don't want to consider that at this moment in time as I am only beginning and haven't yet experienced anything subjectively. But this has all been clearly examined and I have consulted with people who are close to me and support me as I make decisions.

If you are someone who has a heart for me and you have questions or concerns, I would be glad to discuss them with you. I am not going to react horribly to serious questions or concerns. I will also answer things appropriately and point out things that may be too private or inappropriate to ask. Please be mindful that some things are personal and I would ask that you would continue to treat me as any other person. Meaning: if you wouldn't ask your momma, than it probably isn't proper to ask me.

But as I go along, I will continue to update and report on my journey through my life as it becomes a reality. Thanks for sticking with me.