Postmodern Renaissance Culture Revolutionary

There are some things that are really weird about becoming aware of being transgender. I have to refer to myself (myselves?) in the third person a lot. "Genevieve is such and such." "Todd will so and so." It sounds like I am disassociating one or the other. Really, in some way, my mind is still moving toward integration. I am both and neither at the same time. I have to be "Todd" for some people and in some circumstances. "Genevieve" is who I love to be at home and even more in public. For example, I went out for groceries, pharmacy, and some retail therapy. The groceries were a necessity only because it was Nick's birthday and he wanted Alfredo, so that meant buying a couple of items. But it was also a regular shopping trip. Genevieve wanted out of the house, though. And she wanted some new clothes. I went shopping at the local discount store, Wall's Bargain Center. It was relaxing to finally be able to look through the women's s...

For a while, everyone seemed to be claiming a spirit animal. I didn't really catch onto that fad. First, I respect religions and indigenous people's worldviews that hold spirit animals as something different than what people seemed to be claiming for themselves. And I also recognized that people who were serious about this were drawing upon a new world religious worldview. That really isn't appropriate for a minister of Christian Protestant Wesleyan perspective to act. But in the process of my coming out, I began to look for something that would represent this new phase of my life. Last Spring, I was listening to a gardening show. The topic one particular day was dealing with mosquitoes organically. I hate mosquitoes. The only God-given purpose I can discern for there existence is to feed bats. One of the natural ways of controlling those bloodsuckers was to introduce another natural predator of the mosquito. This one surprised me. The host talked about making a dragonf...

With so much that has happened within my identity, and coming to terms with someone I hadn't known, I have been reading. A lot. I had to do my thing and read the work done on transgenderism and the intersection of Christian spirituality. For decades, I have been mentally and soulfully trying to find the place of peace in sexuality and spirituality. My progression for that topic is saved for another day. Gender and sexuality are separate aspects of our human lives. Our culture, especially in American Christianity, has forced the two together like peanut butter and transmission fluid on two pieces of tree bark to make a sandwich. In order to grasp my identity and hold my faith together, I read. This is the list of books and a synopsis and/or reflection on each. Maybe some of you need to find something to grasp and hold identity and faith together. Maybe some of you are shaken by what I have discovered and claimed for myself and just need to know "How" or "Why...

Then his wife said to him,  "Do you still hold fast your integrity?  Curse God and die!"  (Job 2:9 NAU) The book of Job is not a fun book. There is a lot of really challenging material to read. There are multiple voices to follow to know who is saying what. And it deals with being human in a fallen, broken world. I believe Job may be one of the most human books of the Bible. I love Job. The book is part of the Wisdom literature, or Writings, of the old covenant or old testament. There is some evidence that it may be one of the oldest surviving pieces of literature in the material of the Bible. One thing it isn't: it isn't easy to want to live out. Lately, I have begun to see my life through the lens of Job. I know that there are a lot of people who FEEL like Job at times. And maybe that is part of my identity - it is what I feel. But bear with me as I draw out how, spiritually, I am living a Job life in this chapter of living. When God allows the ...

I really hope that enough people have stopped following that this is really just a declaration into the winds of a few hearts. I have been silent because my life is in an ebb and flow of chaos. Professionally, I am reaching my end as a local church pastor. I have lost any desire to lead people who have no desire to go anywhere. Relationally, I am losing my connection to all of the people closest to me: family, friends, mentors. I am sitting here, writing this in despair and broken. I have nothing left to lose, so I want to tell you about my real self. This is me. The person I see in my mind when I envision my true self. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm beautiful.  I'm not graceful and elegant, but I'm gentle and fragile. I'm not going to steal anyone's heart, but my heart has been broken and needs to heal. I don't want to be seen as a freak, but I realize I live in a culture that can't handle what it doesn't understand. I want to be loved...