Postmodern Renaissance Culture Revolutionary

Now it's time to say goodbye To all our company.... The Mickey Mouse Club closed out it's episodes by singing this tune. I feel the time has come to sing this song for my blog. It isn't that I don't have anything say. It has more to do with my change and changing life.  I am still very much a postmodern - even though that word is not used anymore. Modernity has slipped and is a shadow of the past. Where we are now is cultural revolution. We are in the midst of it. Those who have moved on from what we were are now trying to establish the foothold for climbing to a place of cultural security. Meanwhile those who hold onto what we were are grabbing at the last places we have moved beyond. At the same time, they are pulling at the shoelaces of those who have moved upward, trying to dislodge our forward and upward advance.  I am still very much a renaissance person - but not for the sake of others. I still like having a connection to as many subjects as possible. A little bi...

Well, my last post seemed to be a little offensive, defensive, or negative to some readers. Sorry to scare the few of you who read it. I'm just feeling a bit negative about the trajectory of the nation and how much people don't really care for peace, justice, or coming to terms with differences. Today, I want to make some notes on something that I'm working out. Gender and sexuality have become topics of reading and reflection for me since coming out. There is a lot of confusion about the two. I have been trying to develop an image to help people get the way that gender and sexuality are different. I also see a lot of people trying to keep them separate categories. That isn't fair. There are overlapping concerns between gender and sexuality that require keeping them in connection while dealing with them as separate aspects of personhood. So here is my crazy "shower idea". Gender and sexuality can be compared to tasting something. When you taste something, ther...

WARNING!!!!!! THIS IS A POLITICAL OBSERVATION POSTING  WARNING!!!!! We are living through something I never thought we would see. I knew that a time was coming when we would see the devolution of the democratic republic into something more militaristic in its adherence to one extreme or the other. I always pictured that happening over a couple of presidential cycles to allow for a slow erosion of stability in the authority of the other branches of government. The one thing we could always rely on was the system of checks and balances between the branches.   In 3/4th of a single term in office, we have seen the efficacy of both the Legislative and Judicial branches reduced to near ineffectiveness. The current Executive branch has effectively established itself as a single authoritative voice and actor in guiding the nation. The events in the first two years built a foundation of instability within the Legislative branch. How many fully processed bills have passed across the...

When I was in college, I was a fresh faced young pup from a little spot on a so utheastern Oklahoma road. Th en I met the man in this picture. He ignited something within me. Davis Joyce was my (FAV ORITE) professor of history subjects. He advised me every semester on my journey through undergraduate studies (and was quite happy when that journey led me into the history department for my major). He taught me to DO history right; to respect ALL points of view; and to write. Today, I wanted to dedicate a little bit of time to him. See, he didn't just fade into my educational history (so to speak). We reconnected later. He is now one of my dearest friends and ardent supporters in my journey of authentic self-discovery. I don't get to see him as often. We talk by email and phone. He still teaches me every time we talk. The thing that he ignited within me, though, was a fire for something that I allowed others to force me to hide under a bushel basket. Davis was a justice warrior a...

How much longer? How much further? How much animosity and anger and hate can we stand? How much division and conflict can we contain? Something will pop the bubble. Something will be an unstoppable force It will cause the events to roll to an inevitable conclusion. Race, gender, sexuality, Prosperity and poverty Better future or glorious past It will be small but powerful It will seem insignificant to future historians But we stand on the verge of a tragedy None of us will be unmarked Some of us will not survive But the only truth we must agree on We all are living this now we have created

I don't know how most people feel about the transformation I am going through. I have a few who have let me know. Many, many more of the people in my sphere of influence are silent. Some who are silent have gone silent in the weeks since I have gone public with my gender identity. I feel that I have lost friends and maybe some family to this transformation. And perhaps this next revelation will cause me to lose more, but I want to share the next phase of my journey. I began taking hormone replacement therapy. This is a medically observed course of increasing daily hormone treatments. I felt that it was necessary to begin on this therapy due to my desire to begin living as Genevieve full time. The treatments will cause my body, internally and externally, to change. It will also play a role in my thoughts and feelings being transformed. Here are some facts of what I will experience to varying degrees as I progress: 1) Physical - skin will become a bit drier and thinner,  pores w...

I hear the word "trailblazer" a lot lately. Perhaps you have seen the painting I posted. It is a portrayal of Daniel Boone leading settlers through the Cumberland Gap into Kentucky. Daniel Boone was considered a trailblazer. A trailblazer is someone who makes a new track or path through wild and unmarked territory. People who have been helping me stay grounded in the upheaval of life I am experiencing are trying to encourage me with the word "trailblazer". Coming out as transgender isn't new territory - a lot of people have blazed that trail. Being a clergy person isn't new - we have a history of clergy and laity who have accepted calls into a ministry of all sorts. Even being a transgender clergy person is a path that has been laid before. For Oklahoma United Methodists, it is a new frontier. The friends who have continued to support me through this journey are doing their best to understand. My family has experienced back and forth days of dealing ...

There are some things that are really weird about becoming aware of being transgender. I have to refer to myself (myselves?) in the third person a lot. "Genevieve is such and such." "Todd will so and so." It sounds like I am disassociating one or the other. Really, in some way, my mind is still moving toward integration. I am both and neither at the same time. I have to be "Todd" for some people and in some circumstances. "Genevieve" is who I love to be at home and even more in public. For example, I went out for groceries, pharmacy, and some retail therapy. The groceries were a necessity only because it was Nick's birthday and he wanted Alfredo, so that meant buying a couple of items. But it was also a regular shopping trip. Genevieve wanted out of the house, though. And she wanted some new clothes. I went shopping at the local discount store, Wall's Bargain Center. It was relaxing to finally be able to look through the women's s...

For a while, everyone seemed to be claiming a spirit animal. I didn't really catch onto that fad. First, I respect religions and indigenous people's worldviews that hold spirit animals as something different than what people seemed to be claiming for themselves. And I also recognized that people who were serious about this were drawing upon a new world religious worldview. That really isn't appropriate for a minister of Christian Protestant Wesleyan perspective to act. But in the process of my coming out, I began to look for something that would represent this new phase of my life. Last Spring, I was listening to a gardening show. The topic one particular day was dealing with mosquitoes organically. I hate mosquitoes. The only God-given purpose I can discern for there existence is to feed bats. One of the natural ways of controlling those bloodsuckers was to introduce another natural predator of the mosquito. This one surprised me. The host talked about making a dragonf...

With so much that has happened within my identity, and coming to terms with someone I hadn't known, I have been reading. A lot. I had to do my thing and read the work done on transgenderism and the intersection of Christian spirituality. For decades, I have been mentally and soulfully trying to find the place of peace in sexuality and spirituality. My progression for that topic is saved for another day. Gender and sexuality are separate aspects of our human lives. Our culture, especially in American Christianity, has forced the two together like peanut butter and transmission fluid on two pieces of tree bark to make a sandwich. In order to grasp my identity and hold my faith together, I read. This is the list of books and a synopsis and/or reflection on each. Maybe some of you need to find something to grasp and hold identity and faith together. Maybe some of you are shaken by what I have discovered and claimed for myself and just need to know "How" or "Why...

Then his wife said to him,  "Do you still hold fast your integrity?  Curse God and die!"  (Job 2:9 NAU) The book of Job is not a fun book. There is a lot of really challenging material to read. There are multiple voices to follow to know who is saying what. And it deals with being human in a fallen, broken world. I believe Job may be one of the most human books of the Bible. I love Job. The book is part of the Wisdom literature, or Writings, of the old covenant or old testament. There is some evidence that it may be one of the oldest surviving pieces of literature in the material of the Bible. One thing it isn't: it isn't easy to want to live out. Lately, I have begun to see my life through the lens of Job. I know that there are a lot of people who FEEL like Job at times. And maybe that is part of my identity - it is what I feel. But bear with me as I draw out how, spiritually, I am living a Job life in this chapter of living. When God allows the ...

I really hope that enough people have stopped following that this is really just a declaration into the winds of a few hearts. I have been silent because my life is in an ebb and flow of chaos. Professionally, I am reaching my end as a local church pastor. I have lost any desire to lead people who have no desire to go anywhere. Relationally, I am losing my connection to all of the people closest to me: family, friends, mentors. I am sitting here, writing this in despair and broken. I have nothing left to lose, so I want to tell you about my real self. This is me. The person I see in my mind when I envision my true self. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm beautiful.  I'm not graceful and elegant, but I'm gentle and fragile. I'm not going to steal anyone's heart, but my heart has been broken and needs to heal. I don't want to be seen as a freak, but I realize I live in a culture that can't handle what it doesn't understand. I want to be loved...