Postmodern Renaissance Culture Revolutionary

I don't know how most people feel about the transformation I am going through. I have a few who have let me know. Many, many more of the people in my sphere of influence are silent. Some who are silent have gone silent in the weeks since I have gone public with my gender identity. I feel that I have lost friends and maybe some family to this transformation. And perhaps this next revelation will cause me to lose more, but I want to share the next phase of my journey. I began taking hormone replacement therapy. This is a medically observed course of increasing daily hormone treatments. I felt that it was necessary to begin on this therapy due to my desire to begin living as Genevieve full time. The treatments will cause my body, internally and externally, to change. It will also play a role in my thoughts and feelings being transformed. Here are some facts of what I will experience to varying degrees as I progress: 1) Physical - skin will become a bit drier and thinner,  pores w...

I hear the word "trailblazer" a lot lately. Perhaps you have seen the painting I posted. It is a portrayal of Daniel Boone leading settlers through the Cumberland Gap into Kentucky. Daniel Boone was considered a trailblazer. A trailblazer is someone who makes a new track or path through wild and unmarked territory. People who have been helping me stay grounded in the upheaval of life I am experiencing are trying to encourage me with the word "trailblazer". Coming out as transgender isn't new territory - a lot of people have blazed that trail. Being a clergy person isn't new - we have a history of clergy and laity who have accepted calls into a ministry of all sorts. Even being a transgender clergy person is a path that has been laid before. For Oklahoma United Methodists, it is a new frontier. The friends who have continued to support me through this journey are doing their best to understand. My family has experienced back and forth days of dealing ...

There are some things that are really weird about becoming aware of being transgender. I have to refer to myself (myselves?) in the third person a lot. "Genevieve is such and such." "Todd will so and so." It sounds like I am disassociating one or the other. Really, in some way, my mind is still moving toward integration. I am both and neither at the same time. I have to be "Todd" for some people and in some circumstances. "Genevieve" is who I love to be at home and even more in public. For example, I went out for groceries, pharmacy, and some retail therapy. The groceries were a necessity only because it was Nick's birthday and he wanted Alfredo, so that meant buying a couple of items. But it was also a regular shopping trip. Genevieve wanted out of the house, though. And she wanted some new clothes. I went shopping at the local discount store, Wall's Bargain Center. It was relaxing to finally be able to look through the women's s...

For a while, everyone seemed to be claiming a spirit animal. I didn't really catch onto that fad. First, I respect religions and indigenous people's worldviews that hold spirit animals as something different than what people seemed to be claiming for themselves. And I also recognized that people who were serious about this were drawing upon a new world religious worldview. That really isn't appropriate for a minister of Christian Protestant Wesleyan perspective to act. But in the process of my coming out, I began to look for something that would represent this new phase of my life. Last Spring, I was listening to a gardening show. The topic one particular day was dealing with mosquitoes organically. I hate mosquitoes. The only God-given purpose I can discern for there existence is to feed bats. One of the natural ways of controlling those bloodsuckers was to introduce another natural predator of the mosquito. This one surprised me. The host talked about making a dragonf...

With so much that has happened within my identity, and coming to terms with someone I hadn't known, I have been reading. A lot. I had to do my thing and read the work done on transgenderism and the intersection of Christian spirituality. For decades, I have been mentally and soulfully trying to find the place of peace in sexuality and spirituality. My progression for that topic is saved for another day. Gender and sexuality are separate aspects of our human lives. Our culture, especially in American Christianity, has forced the two together like peanut butter and transmission fluid on two pieces of tree bark to make a sandwich. In order to grasp my identity and hold my faith together, I read. This is the list of books and a synopsis and/or reflection on each. Maybe some of you need to find something to grasp and hold identity and faith together. Maybe some of you are shaken by what I have discovered and claimed for myself and just need to know "How" or "Why...

Then his wife said to him,  "Do you still hold fast your integrity?  Curse God and die!"  (Job 2:9 NAU) The book of Job is not a fun book. There is a lot of really challenging material to read. There are multiple voices to follow to know who is saying what. And it deals with being human in a fallen, broken world. I believe Job may be one of the most human books of the Bible. I love Job. The book is part of the Wisdom literature, or Writings, of the old covenant or old testament. There is some evidence that it may be one of the oldest surviving pieces of literature in the material of the Bible. One thing it isn't: it isn't easy to want to live out. Lately, I have begun to see my life through the lens of Job. I know that there are a lot of people who FEEL like Job at times. And maybe that is part of my identity - it is what I feel. But bear with me as I draw out how, spiritually, I am living a Job life in this chapter of living. When God allows the ...

I really hope that enough people have stopped following that this is really just a declaration into the winds of a few hearts. I have been silent because my life is in an ebb and flow of chaos. Professionally, I am reaching my end as a local church pastor. I have lost any desire to lead people who have no desire to go anywhere. Relationally, I am losing my connection to all of the people closest to me: family, friends, mentors. I am sitting here, writing this in despair and broken. I have nothing left to lose, so I want to tell you about my real self. This is me. The person I see in my mind when I envision my true self. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm beautiful.  I'm not graceful and elegant, but I'm gentle and fragile. I'm not going to steal anyone's heart, but my heart has been broken and needs to heal. I don't want to be seen as a freak, but I realize I live in a culture that can't handle what it doesn't understand. I want to be loved...

I have a confession. I was not a fan of Mister Rogers Neighborhood. As a kid, I enjoyed the land of Make-Believe. I especially liked the puppets. There were times when Mister Rogers would do teaching or build something, and that would fascinate me. I always preferred Sesame Street and Captain Kangaroo. When my kids began to watch television, they didn’t seem to be drawn to the Neighborhood, so I didn’t have to change my opinion. When Fred Rogers died, there began a process that many are calling secular canonization. Mister Rogers became larger than his television persona and viewership. People began to extol the wonders of what he meant to them. The last decade has seen the popular attraction to Mister Rogers grow to a level greater than public television gave him access to. Two movies have been released in just over a year’s time span that highlight the quality and character of Fred Rogers. The first was the biographical film Won’t You Be My Neighbor. This year sees the release of a ...

I am currently working through a philosophical exercise with theological implications. I was reading the book Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. If you are not familiar, the book is about relational boundaries between people to create healthy relationships. Chapter 13 of that book is called Boundaries and God . A few pages into that chapter, I read this idea: ...God does not want us to be passive in our relationship with him {sic} either. Sometimes, through dialogue, he changes his mind. We can influence him because ours is a real relationship of the kind Abraham had with God (Gen. 18:16-33). God said that he would destroy Sodom, yet Abraham talked him out of it if he could find ten righteous people. Foregoing the example of  Abraham, I was intrigued by the idea that in the relationship God offers, we can influence God's decision-making process. Changing the mind of God sounds like it may be too good to be true. But could it be possible, I wondered. I decid...

How Free Are We Galatians 5:1,13-15 Chomping mad Something really stuck with me in this verse as I was beginning to prepare for this week’s sermon There is a lot to chew on in this section I had to really choke down some tough ideas I really got my teeth into something that seems important, though Verse 15 says, “If you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another” This phrase has seemed challenging to me in the past, but it never really caught my attention In the 61 “one another” passages of the NT, it is the most graphically negative It also seems very difficult to grasp the imagery in the surrounding context Paul is talking about freedom through Christ Specifically, he addresses freedom from being slaves to the tradition of circumcision In a broader sense, he is talking about the liberty we have to live within the relationship with have with Christ But Paul points out that we should not use our liberty fro...